


Spin Me High

by MiniNephthys



Category: Saint Oniisan | Saint Young Men
Genre: M/M, Snake Genitals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-23
Updated: 2013-05-23
Packaged: 2017-12-12 17:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/813898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MiniNephthys/pseuds/MiniNephthys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hemipenes, Mara, and Buddha needing to stop letting these people into his apartment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spin Me High

Buddha calmly looks over the top of the open book that Lucifer's thrusting in his face. "While I'm sure this-" he glances down at it briefly, "-discussion of reptile reproduction is exciting, so far the most interesting thing is that you picked up a book."

Lucifer scowls at him and points to a specific part on one page. Before Buddha can even manage to read two words, Lucifer summarizes. "Snakes have two dicks."

"...Fascinating. Did you know that if a creature pursued by a snake flees to a patch of maghi-"

" _Mara_ has two dicks." Lucifer clears his throat. "Probably."

Ah. That much better explains Lucifer's interest. Buddha merely coughs and replies, "It would follow, yes."

"Don't you want to find out for sure?" When Buddha shakes his head, Lucifer snaps, "Why not?!"

"Lucifer, why did you approach me of all people regarding the state of a man's penises?" Buddha asks.

Lucifer looks away, though as always it's hard to tell. "I was figuring you could help since the immense metaphorical boner he has for you, probably makes it easier to have a literal boner I guess?"

"Lucifer."

"Yeah?"

"Get out of my apartment."

"Does that mean I shouldn't ask Jesus next?" Lucifer asks.

"Yes. You are not to discuss in our apartment the penises of anyone we know."

Buddha makes a point of ignoring everything Lucifer says after that in favor of hanging up the laundry, and eventually Lucifer slumps off to do who-knows-what.

* * *

Mara visits about two days later. "I don't want to, but... I thought I should thank you," he says, fidgeting. "I don't know how you did it, but Lucifer-"

"I had nothing to do with it," Buddha interjects quickly.

"-actually bought a mobile phone," Mara goes on. "He said I had you to thank for that."

Buddha doesn't know where this conversation is going, and it's only just started. "...it was nothing?"

"Really. I've been trying to get him to buy one since the second generation," Mara grumbles, mostly to himself. "What was I doing wrong? Was I too forceful?"

"What has he been sending you so far?" Buddha asks.

Mara turns a light shade of pink. "Well- m-mostly pornography so far, but you know Lucifer. He probably just downloaded something stupid on his phone by accident... Anyway, I'd like to do this properly, so why don't I cook-"

"It's thoughtful but we were going to order out tonight, why don't you go see Lucifer and fix his phone for him?" Buddha feels bad about literally sending Mara into the mouth of Hell, but his body can't take another of Mara's meals.

Mara slumps. "Well... I guess that's better than my meals any day... And you're right, Lucifer's computer shouldn't be eaten by a thousand viruses in the first week. E-enjoy your dinner." He slithers out the door and shuts it gently behind him.

From the other room, Jesus pokes his head out. "I thought you said our budget couldn't afford ordering out?"

"It can now." Buddha sighs heavily and leans his head against the wall.

* * *

On the fourth day after Lucifer's discovery, Buddha and Jesus are both woken up by banging on their front door. A groggy Jesus opens the door to be pushed past by Mara, who curls up into a tight ball in one corner of the room and just stays there, quivering.

"What are you-?" Before Jesus can close the door, Lucifer follows him inside, standing in the center of the room with his arms folded and glowering at nothing in particular.

Buddha rubs his eyes. "What did he do to you, Mara?"

Mara shakes even more. "H-he said-"

"I was _joking_ -" Lucifer snaps.

"-that if only one of my hemipenes-"

" _Joking_."

"-could come out at a time-"

"I would never-"

"-he'd just take the first one off-!"

"-ever actually take off somebody's dick even if they had a spare," Lucifer concludes, as Jesus gives him an extremely disapproving stare and Mara tries to curl up even tighter.

Buddha sighs and goes to sit by Mara in the corner. He reaches out and gently pets Mara's hair until he stops shaking and relaxes.

Jesus is lecturing Lucifer severely and Lucifer is arguing that it isn't his fault in the background. Buddha tunes most of that out for now as Mara unwinds his body a little, then rests his head on Buddha's lap instead. The sound he makes is much closer to a purr than any snake could attempt; Buddha keeps petting.


End file.
